Rest in Peace

My mom passed away and I just don't know how I feel.

I am an only child, and was much loved by my parents. My mother doted on me, cherished me, criticized me, pushed me and did all the things that parents do - at least those who love their kids and want them to turn out right.

Mom was a paradox. She was intelligent and attractive and I thought that there was nothing she couldn't do. She could quilt, crochet and sew anything, and she made the best jellies and apple butter you ever tasted. Yet there was always an underlying discontent in her soul and I don't think that she was ever truly happy; but she loved my dad, she loved me, she loved my husband and she absolutely adored our children.

In 2002 we learned that she had Alzheimer's disease and we watched her deteriorate before our very eyes. The mother who had loved me so much no longer recognized me; in fact, she reached the point where she hit and kicked at me when I came to visit because it just didn't make sense to her who I was or why I was there.

God gives us little gifts, though. On Tuesday, her caregiver (she lived in a personal care home) called and told me that Mom had suffered a seizure and that she suspected that she had pneumonia. I went over to see Mom; she was sitting on a sofa with an oxygen machine attached to her and I could see that she was very ill. She looked intently at me, then put one finger to her lips, kissed it, and blew it to me. That's the last real communication we had.

This afternoon, the caregiver called and said that Mom was declining rapidly and suggested that I gather the family together, which I did. Three hours after I arrived I was stroking her face and telling her how much I loved her when her breathing slowed, and then stopped. All I could say was, "She doesn't have Alzheimer's any more."

I know that she has reunited with my father and the rest of her family and that she is now standing in the presence of God. She is whole and she is sane and, at long last, she is happy.

Rest in peace Mom. I'll always love you and I look forward to the day when we will see each other again.